Südafrika-Forum

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

Da hab ich mal ganz unkompliziert einen drauf getrunken.
Cheers

.

Sitzen 2 Blondinen unter klarem Sternenhimmel und schauen den Mond an.
"Was glaubst du ist weiter entfernt: London oder der Mond?"

"Na Hallöchen, kannst du etwa London sehen?"

A simple explanation of how the tax system works

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing
The fifth would pay £1
The sixth would pay £3
The seventh would pay £7
The eighth would pay £12
The ninth would pay £18
The tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement,
until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball. “Since you are all such good customers”
he said “I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by £20.” Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.

So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men — the paying customers? How could they divide the £20
windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that £20 divided by six is £3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's
share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher
percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using,
and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay. And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving)
The sixth man now paid £2 instead of £3 (33% saving)
The seventh man now paid £5 instead of £7 (28% saving)
The eighth man now paid £9 instead of £12 (25% saving)
The ninth now paid £14 instead of £18 (22% saving)
The tenth now paid £49 instead of £59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free.
But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a pound out of the £20 saving” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man “but he got £10!”

“Yeah, that's right” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a pound too. It's unfair that he
got ten times more benefit than me!”

“That's true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get £10 back, when I got only £2?
The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn't get anything at all.
The new tax system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their
beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.
They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, fellow oyibos; boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax
system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit
from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Indianerboy.

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe,
"Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Texor Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive."
"For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake."
"Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people."
"It's very simple and easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

Aus gegebenen Anlass ein extrem alter und kurzer Witz, der leider zu selten wahr wird.

Treffen sich zwei Jäger...

Wenn wir schon dabei sind:

Unterhalten sich zwei Jäger:
"Ach, Du schickst deinen Sohn aufs Gymnasium. Weshalb denn?"
"Er will ebenfalls Jäger werden und dort soll er schon mal Latein lernen!"

Lebensmotto für ganz Harte

Legt dir das Schicksal Steine in den Weg – mach Limonade draus!

Eigentlich schade dass dieser Fred so eingeschlafen ist. Sollten wir ihn wieder erwecken ???? Hier mal ein politisch korrekter Beitrag:

The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different .......
Two Different Versions .....
There are Different Morals

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or
shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!


MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is
cold and starving.

CCN, TV1,2 & 3, M-Net and Carte Blanche show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with
a table filled with food.
The country is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Rian with the grasshopper and everybody cries
when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Black..'
The ANCYL stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news
stations film the group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Desmond Tutu has the group kneel down to pray for the
grasshopper's sake.

President Zooooma condemns the ant and blames President de Klerk,
President PW Botha, HF Verwoerd and Apartheid for the grasshopper's plight.
Julius Malema exclaim in an interview with TV News that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the Government drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of black bugs (BBE)
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated
under the Government Land Repo Act and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing
up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as
you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them
because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared to Australia, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a Drugs related incident, and the house, now
abandoned, is taken over by a gang of Nigerian spiders who terrorize and
ramshackle, the once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of Africa with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2012
I've sent this to you because
I believe that you are an ant!
You may wish to pass this on to other ants, but don't bother sending it on
to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway

Unsere Löwen werden auch immer raffinierter - jetzt tarnen sie sich schon als Touries:

Gruss Karl

Passend dazu:

"Ihr Hund ist ja zum Fürchten. Woher haben sie den denn?"
"Der ist mir in Südafrika zugelaufen. Ich habe ihm lediglich die Mähne abgeschnitten!"