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Lothar

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21

Montag, 4. Dezember 2006, 12:01

Wo bleibt der Spass?

Gamat and his bra were out on a all night jol in long street. Being in the
week early hours of the morning and no busses running - the two were forced
to take a rustige walk home to Mitchells Plain .

After a moerse lot of walking they eventually passed the bus depot. Gamat,
being the brains of the outfit - tuned his bra to jump over the fence and
steal one of the buses so they can cruz home, while he watches out for the
cops.

So the bra agrees and jumps over the fence. After a few minutes Gamat hears
the loud sound a bus starting up, moving around a bit and switching off.

A minute later - on goes another bus, drives around and off again!! This
continues for a good few minutes... Eventually Gamat rekons "fok dit - this
bra is mos taking me for a blerrie fool" and he decides to continue walking
home. As he starts walking he hears a moerrrse crash!!!

His bra stops next to him with the bus and tunes him jump in!!!! Gamat asks
him, pissed off like all hell, " WAAAAT DE FOK HET DJY GEDOEN DAAR?????"

To which he replies, "JINNE MY BROE, WIET JY HOEVEEL FOKKEN BUSSE EK MOES
UIT DIE FOKKEN WAY TREK OM BY DIE MITCHELLS PLAIN BUS TE KOM!!!!!!!

Es hat sich bereits 1 registrierter Benutzer bedankt.

Benutzer, die sich für diesen Beitrag bedankt haben:

Ousus24 (26. August 2012, 22:42)

asango

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22

Montag, 4. Dezember 2006, 14:23

Wo bleibt der Spaß für Golfer?


Lothar

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23

Dienstag, 5. Dezember 2006, 07:06

der ist aber auch nicht schlecht

A man met a woman and fell madly in love with her. He asked her to marry
him right away.

Her response was: "But we don't know each other at all, what if we don't
get on?"

The man said that was a chance he was prepared to take and he felt that he
loved her so much straight away that he was sure it would work and they
could get to know each other during their marriage.

So the woman agreed, they married and went away on honeymoon where They
found they were very compatible.

They were lazing by the poolside one day when the husband said he fancied a
swim and his wife watched him as he climbed up to the very highest diving
board and leapt off backwards.

He did a triple spin, a forward turn and a double back-flip (piked) before
entering the water with barely a ripple.

The wife was amazed. When the husband came back to her she said: "Blimey! I
didn't know you could swim like that!"

He replied: "Oh yes, I used to be an Olympic diver in my youth and was the
champion for ten years running."

They agreed that there was a lot to learn about each other and that it Was
fun finding out.

Then the wife decided to go for a swim. She dived into the water, swam 150
lengths, got out of the water and lay on her sun-lounger barely out of
breath.

The husband was amazed. He said: "I can't believe it, did you used to be an
Olympic swimmer too?"

She replied: "Ag no, I used to be a prostitute in Vereeniging and I worked
both sides of the Vaal river.

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24

Samstag, 16. Dezember 2006, 17:13

In der Bank

Kam vor zwei Monaten ein Taubstummer in eine Bank.
Am Schalter legte er dem Angestellten ein Kondom ( noch original verpackt und unbenutzt ) und rechts und links davon jeweils einen Tannenzapfen hin, und Schaute den Angestellten fragend an, der lächelte und nickte nur mit dem Kopf. :)
Der Taubstumme packte wieder alles ein und ging nach Hause.
Was wollte der denn von dir, fragte ein Kollege?
Einen Überziehungskredit bis Weihnachten! :D

asango

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25

Mittwoch, 20. Dezember 2006, 15:33

Never underestimate the power of your actions; with one small gesture you can change a person's life.

Lothar

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26

Freitag, 2. März 2007, 10:53

Quotes

HEREWITH GENUINE QUOTES FROM PATIENT CHARTS IN A MPUMALANGA HOSPITAL:

'The patient refused autopsy'
'Patient has no future record of suicides'
'Patient left white blood cells at another hospital'
'Patient has chest pain if she lies on her bed for one year'
'On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared'
'The patient has been depressed since she started seeing me in 1993'
'She is numb from the toes down'
'She was examined, x-rated and sent home'
'Occasional, infrequent, constant headaches'
'Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized'
'Skin - somewhat pale but present'
'The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor'
'Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities'
'Large brown stool ambulating the floor'
'She has no shaking chills but according to her husband she was very hot in bed last night'
'Patient died last night. No permission given'

Siegfried

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27

Samstag, 12. Mai 2007, 20:10

RE: No joke 4 the weekend,...

A joke this weekend.

Drinking partners

A German hunter, an Austrian hunter and a South African are in a bushbar one night having a beer.

All of a sudden the German drinks his beer, throws his glass in
the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "In Germany
our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the
same one twice," he says.

The Austrian, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "ja
friend, in Austria we have so much glass factories to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says

The South African, cool as a Mamba, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the German
and the Austrian.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, "in South Africa Bud, we Have so many bloody Germans and Austrians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

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28

Sonntag, 13. Mai 2007, 02:56

RE: No joke 4 the weekend,...

One of the best ones I have ever had!

apollux

Profi

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29

Sonntag, 13. Mai 2007, 11:18

RE: No joke 4 the weekend,...

diesen vers hab ich von einem 8 jahre alten schulkind in SA gelernt.

mother puts her little daughter
20 minutes under water

not to make her any trouble
just to see the funny bubble.
Gruß Apollux

Lothar

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30

Montag, 14. Mai 2007, 14:10

RE: No joke 4 the weekend,...

Ein Südafrikaner findet eine Öllampe und reibt daran.
Heraus springt ein Geist und sagt:
"Master, du hast 3 Wünsche frei".

"Dann wünsch ich mir eine Flasche Bier die nie zuende geht",
entgegnete dieser. Und schwupps stand da eine Flasche.
Er nimmt die Flasche, nimmt einen kräftigen Schluck und siehe da,
die Flasche war wieder voll.

Nachdem er 2 Wochen durchgesoffen hat, rieb er wieder an
der Lampe und wierderum erscheint der Flaschengeist.

"Master, du hast noch 2 Wünsche frei".

"Gut", sagt der Südafrikaner,
"gib mir noch 2 weitere Flaschen".

Lothar

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31

Donnerstag, 17. Mai 2007, 17:44

Nissan oder Mandela

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer
when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching
a clip board and yelling,


"You Sign! You sign!"


Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.


Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man
starts to yell louder,


"You Sign! You sign!"


Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and
shuts the door in his face.


The next day he hears a knock at the door again.


When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of
brake pads.


He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,


"You sign! You sign!"


Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the
little Chinese man back, shouting:


"Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he
slams the door in his face again.


The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again.


On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a
clipboard under his nose, shouting,


"You sign! You sign!"


Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.


This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little
Man by his shirt front and yells at him:


"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong
name! Who do you want to give these to?"


The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard,
and says (in a Chinese accent)

You not Nissan Main Dealer

Es hat sich bereits 1 registrierter Benutzer bedankt.

Benutzer, die sich für diesen Beitrag bedankt haben:

Ousus24 (26. August 2012, 22:44)

Lothar

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32

Mittwoch, 23. Mai 2007, 13:12

Fisherman

Two guys from Gauteng are quietly sitting in a boat at Hartebeestpoort Dam,
fishing and sucking down beer when suddenly one says,

"I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 3 months."

His buddy sips his beer and slowly says:

"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Lothar

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33

Freitag, 25. Mai 2007, 13:20

Jesus

Jesus war ein Student!

Ganz eindeutig!

Lange Haare, mit 30 noch bei den Eltern gehockt,
und wenn er mal was tat war es ein Wunder.

34

Freitag, 25. Mai 2007, 13:38

Gott fliegt ueber Afrika!

Und er dachte sich den schwarzen einheimischen mal was gutes zu tun. Er geht zume rsten und sagt:” Du hast nen Wunsch frei”, da sagt der schwarze:” Gut, ich will weiss sein”. Gesagt getan.
Gott fliegt zum naechsten, auch dieser wuenschte sich weiss zu sein!
Dann zog er weiter, gut gelaunt, weil er hat ja Leute gluecklich gemacht, da kam er zum letzten.
Gott:” Und mein Sohn, was wuenscht du dir?
Er:” Ich will, dass sie alle wieder weiss sind”….
:D :D :D

joubertpark

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35

Freitag, 25. Mai 2007, 13:42

RE: Jesus

Jesus kommt mal wieder auf die Erde um die Gläubigkeit der menschen zu testen. am ersten haus klopft er an: ich bins euer Herr-ok. Frau gib im Brot und etwas zu trinken.

im zweiten Haus klopft er an:ich bins euer Herr- Frau gib ihm 5 euro für Mc Donalds-ist gleich um die Ecke Herr.

beim dritten Haus klopft Jesus an-ein ewas mürrischer Mann öffnet-schaut Jesus lange an und ruft in das Haus- Frau bring Hammer und Nägel -er ist wieder da.! ;) der Herr sei mit euch gruß B.

Honni soit qui mal y pense.

Lothar

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36

Montag, 28. Mai 2007, 13:56

Confession

CONFESSIONS OF AN IJAW KID

Little Diepriye came into the kitchen where his mother
was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a
good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Priye was
a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Priye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Priye, of course, thought he did.

Priye's mother wanted Priye to reflect on his behavior
over the last year.
"Go to your room, Priye, and think about how you have
behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you
deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Priye stomped up the steps to
his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like
a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a
very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Priye. I have been a good boy this
year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore
up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Priye

Priye knew he could not send this letter to God
either. So, Priye wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very
sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please!
Thank you,
Priye

Priye knew, even if it was true, this letter was not
going to get him a bike.

Now, Priye was very upset. He went downstairs and told
his mom that he wanted to go to church. Priye's mother thought her
plan had worked, as Priye looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Priye's mother told
him.


Priye walked down the street to the church on the
corner. Little Priye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see
if anyone was there. Priye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the
statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Priye began
to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER
AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

The hit man.

Diepriye

asango

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37

Freitag, 1. Juni 2007, 12:28

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot for young lovers. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing so he carefully approaches to get a closer look.

Inside he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?" The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane... and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks: "And her... what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11minutes."
Never underestimate the power of your actions; with one small gesture you can change a person's life.

Roland

Fortgeschrittener

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38

Freitag, 1. Juni 2007, 14:58

I love that one, echt gut...*copy paste...

Gruß

Roland

Lothar

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39

Samstag, 2. Juni 2007, 13:32

VfB

Vorbild für Bayern!

Klippdrift

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40

Dienstag, 5. Juni 2007, 11:10

hab auch nen juten!!!

Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon,eggs, coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts a conversation:

Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?"

Mandela: "Of course."

Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them toSouth Africa."

Mandela: "Oh Really?"

Bush: "D"ya eat jam with the bread?"

Mandela: "Of course."

Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa."

Mandela: "Do you have sex in America?"

Bush: "Of course we do."

Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?"

Bush: "Throw them away of course."

Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."
:D

Verwendete Tags

eine Reise wert, Nambia, neues Land