Lothar
The Cape Times:
"I have promised to keep his identity confidential,' said Jack Maxim, a
spokesperson for the Sandton Sun Hotel,Johannesburg, "but I can confirm
that he is no longer in our employment".
"We asked him to clean the lifts and he spent four days on the job. When I
asked him why, he replied: 'Well, there are forty of them, two on each
floor, and sometimes some of them aren't there'. Eventually, we realised
that he thought each floor had a different lift, and he'd cleaned the same
two twelve times. We had to let him go. It seemed best all round. I
understand he is now working for GE Lighting."
The Star, Johannesburg:
"The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister Ephraem
Magagula told the Swaziland parliament in Mbabane. "Our nation's merchant
navy is perfectly safe. We just don't know where it is, that's all."
Replying to an MP's question, Minister Magagula admitted that the
landlocked country had completely lost track of its only ship, the
'Swazimar': "We believe it is in a sea somewhere. At one time, we sent a
team of men to look for it, but there was a problem with drink and they
failed to find it, and so, technically, yes, we've lost it a bit. But I
categorically reject all suggestions of incompetence on the part of this
government.
"The Swazimar is a big ship painted in the sort of nice bright colours you
can see at night. Mark my words, it will turn up. The right honourable
gentleman opposite is a very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other
side of his face when my ship comes in."
The Standard, Kenya:
"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened news
conference at Jomo Kenyatta InternationalAirport. "A technical hitch like
this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people are not
patriots. You just want to cause trouble."
Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation
of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin: "The
forty-two passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when the
pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat. Kenya Airways did not possess a
spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A
passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for inflation, but
unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn't get the wheel off.
"Our engineers tried heroically to reinflate the tyre with a bicycle pump,
but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but
he passed out.
"When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one of the
passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacket
whistle and said we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being
ridiculous, and that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in
the meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit
at his own expense."
>From a Zimbabwean newspaper
While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo ,the bus driver
stopped at a roadside shebeen for a few beers. When he got back to his
vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen.
Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his
bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue.
Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the
Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his charges, warning
the nurses that they were particularly excitable.
Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three days later that
suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for
the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have
apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.
"I have promised to keep his identity confidential,' said Jack Maxim, a
spokesperson for the Sandton Sun Hotel,Johannesburg, "but I can confirm
that he is no longer in our employment".
"We asked him to clean the lifts and he spent four days on the job. When I
asked him why, he replied: 'Well, there are forty of them, two on each
floor, and sometimes some of them aren't there'. Eventually, we realised
that he thought each floor had a different lift, and he'd cleaned the same
two twelve times. We had to let him go. It seemed best all round. I
understand he is now working for GE Lighting."
The Star, Johannesburg:
"The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister Ephraem
Magagula told the Swaziland parliament in Mbabane. "Our nation's merchant
navy is perfectly safe. We just don't know where it is, that's all."
Replying to an MP's question, Minister Magagula admitted that the
landlocked country had completely lost track of its only ship, the
'Swazimar': "We believe it is in a sea somewhere. At one time, we sent a
team of men to look for it, but there was a problem with drink and they
failed to find it, and so, technically, yes, we've lost it a bit. But I
categorically reject all suggestions of incompetence on the part of this
government.
"The Swazimar is a big ship painted in the sort of nice bright colours you
can see at night. Mark my words, it will turn up. The right honourable
gentleman opposite is a very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other
side of his face when my ship comes in."
The Standard, Kenya:
"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened news
conference at Jomo Kenyatta InternationalAirport. "A technical hitch like
this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people are not
patriots. You just want to cause trouble."
Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation
of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin: "The
forty-two passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when the
pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat. Kenya Airways did not possess a
spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A
passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for inflation, but
unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn't get the wheel off.
"Our engineers tried heroically to reinflate the tyre with a bicycle pump,
but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but
he passed out.
"When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one of the
passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacket
whistle and said we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being
ridiculous, and that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in
the meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit
at his own expense."
>From a Zimbabwean newspaper
While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo ,the bus driver
stopped at a roadside shebeen for a few beers. When he got back to his
vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen.
Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his
bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue.
Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the
Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his charges, warning
the nurses that they were particularly excitable.
Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three days later that
suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for
the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have
apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.