No joke 4 the weekend,...

Ein typischer Macho ehelichte eine typische gut aussehende Frau. Nach der Hochzeit erklärte er ihr seine Regeln:

"Ich werde heimkommen wann ich will, und ich will keinen Zoff von Dir..
Ich erwarte jeden Abend ein super Essen, außer ich sag' dir, dass ich nicht heimkomme.
Ich werde jagen, fischen, Karten spielen und saufen gehen
mit meinen Kumpels wann ich will und wo ich will, also reg' dich nicht auf.
Das sind meine Regeln. Hast du was dazu zu sagen?"

Seine neue Frau antwortete: "Nein, für mich ist das OK. Du musst nur wissen, dass es hier jeden Abend Punkt sieben Uhr Sex geben wird.
Ob du hier bist oder nicht."

What is the difference between girls aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed
and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story
and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story
to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story
and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story
to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed
to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed,
that'll be a story!!

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

was zu lachen

WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back
to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his
mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."



Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."



After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and
I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Schlagt keine Kinder!


heutzutage sind sie bewaffnet.

.... Polizeibericht.
Auszug aus dem Polizeibericht des Polizeipräsidium von Koblenz, Anfang der Woche.

21.03 h: Wo ist der Rest der Leiche?
Ein Anrufer meldet, er habe auf dem Radweg an der B 9, etwa Höhe Siechhaustal, ein abgetrenntes Gliedmaß entdeckt.
Vor Ort stellt sich heraus, dass es sich bei dem vermeintlich menschlichen Köperteil um einen in einer tiefen Regenpfütze schwimmenden, noch leicht blutgetränkten und aufgequollenen Kosmetikartikel zur Dämpfung der Folgen des bei weiblichen Personen des mittleren Alters periodisch auftretenden Verlustes von Körperflüssigkeit handelt...

Jesus und der Heilige Geist spielen Golf. Jesus schlägt - der Ball bleibt
5 cm vor dem Loch liegen. Da kommt eine Maus aus dem Loch
gekrochen und frisst den Ball. Plötzlich kommt eine Schlange und
verschlingt die Maus. Da stößt ein Adler vom Himmel herab und greift
sich die Schlange. Plötzlich ein Gewitter, ein Blitz zuckt herab und trifft
den Adler. Der Adler stürzt zu Boden - genau in das Golf-Loch.
Sagt der Heilige Geist zu Jesus: "Wollen wir jetzt Golf spielen oder
herumalbern?..."

Im Himmel wird der diesjährige Betriebsausflug geplant. Man weiß
aber nicht so recht, wohin man fahren soll.
Erste Idee: Bethlehem. Maria ist aber dagegen. Mit Bethlehem hat sie
schlechte Erfahrungen gemacht: Kein Hotelzimmer und so. Nein,
kommt nicht in Frage.
Nächster Vorschlag: Jerusalem. Das lehnt Jesus aber ab. Ganz
schlechte Erfahrungen mit Jerusalem!!
Nächster Vorschlag: Rom. Die allgemeine Zustimmung hält sich in
Grenzen, nur der Heilige Geist ist begeistert: "Oh toll, Rom! Da war ich
noch nie!!!!"

hallo Lothar, du hast ja,wie jetzt von mir bemerkt, mehr Punkte als Ich?! Frechheit!! Gruß B.

aber nur, Joubert, weil ich mir keinen Urlaub in Florida leisten kann.

und was soll das mit dem eigendlichen Thema zu tun ham Jungs...??

wer Punkte sammlt sollte scih an Flensburg wenden..

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa.
The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye,
and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving
him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla,
and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks
Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong.
But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

was meint ihr?

Wenn ich beim Metzger genügend Rinderteile kaufe (Steaks Rippen,
Hüftknochen etc.),
kann ich mir dann selber eine Kuh bauen?

Kids can be so sweet...

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

A woman from South Wales has had to take out a bank loan
to pay for her pet chicken's leg amputation.

Vicky Mills was determined to save the life of her
three-year old pet chicken, Lily after its limb was
caught on a barbed wire fence.

When the 24-year-old was told the bird's leg could
not be saved, she opted to have it amputated,
costing her £1,800.

Because of the price of the surgery, Mrs Mills
had to take out a bank loan and could not afford
to go on holiday.

Lily the chicken underwent seven operations and
recovered successfully, even overcoming depression
following surgery.

Mrs Mills, who was given the chicken when it was
only two days old, said the operation was worth every penny

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist activities and have raised
their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Some, though, say that security levels may
be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized
from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level
from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert ...

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. T
hese beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe , the Americans have gone from "Isolationism"
to "Find Another Oil-Rich Nation In The Middle East Ripe For Regime Change".
Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack The World" and "Beg The British For Help".



And that is all the Intelligence News for Today.

Luxussteuer of Unterhosen in Zim


mehr unter www.africancrisis.org
"Read latest news"

Vasectomies

After having their 11th child, a Brakpan couple decided that was enough.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife
didn't want to have any more children...

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy but
that it was expensive. (For people staying in Brakpan, paying more than
R50 for anything other than booze, car accessories or a sound system, is
expensive).

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry
bomb (fireworks are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer
can,then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10! The man said :
" Aag, yinne, I maait not be de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I dussin
see how putting a cherrie bom in a beer can, next to my ear, is going to
help me. "

" Trust me, " said the doctor...

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee,
forrr, faaaiife, " at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand!!!

This procedure also works in: Boksburg, Benoni,
Springs,Bronkhorstspruit, Primrose, Kempton Park West, Orkney,
Randfontein , Brits & EDENVALE natuurlik!