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Klippdrift

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61

Montag, 16. Juli 2007, 14:47

und was soll das mit dem eigendlichen Thema zu tun ham Jungs...??

wer Punkte sammlt sollte scih an Flensburg wenden..

Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von »Klippdrift« (16. Juli 2007, 14:48)


Lothar

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62

Samstag, 21. Juli 2007, 08:33

Tarzan, King of the Elephant Trunk

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa.
The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye,
and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving
him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla,
and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks
Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong.
But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

Lothar

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63

Samstag, 28. Juli 2007, 12:08

Die Frage schlechthin

was meint ihr?

Wenn ich beim Metzger genügend Rinderteile kaufe (Steaks Rippen,
Hüftknochen etc.),
kann ich mir dann selber eine Kuh bauen?

Lothar

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64

Mittwoch, 1. August 2007, 13:12

RE: Die Frage schlechthin

Kids can be so sweet...
»Lothar« hat folgendes Bild angehängt:
  • qantas.jpg

Lothar

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65

Freitag, 24. August 2007, 13:10

RE: Der etwas andere ...

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Lothar

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66

Freitag, 24. August 2007, 13:57

Thank God, it´s Friday! Oder?

Robinson Crusoe fell desperately ill. Just before dropping into a coma,
he called for his man Friday to help him. "Friday, get help! Get help!"

"Yes!" Friday replied, "Get help now!" Not knowing what else to do,
he went outside of Crusoe's tent and danced and prayed for the gods
to come and help his master.

Shortly afterwards, he went back into Crusoe's tent and found his
master awake and staring at a beautiful glowing shape at the foot of his bed.

"Who is that?" Robinson Crusoe asked.

His helper answered, "Thank Friday! It's God!"

Lothar

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67

Freitag, 24. August 2007, 17:05

Unbestätigte Quelle

A woman from South Wales has had to take out a bank loan
to pay for her pet chicken's leg amputation.

Vicky Mills was determined to save the life of her
three-year old pet chicken, Lily after its limb was
caught on a barbed wire fence.

When the 24-year-old was told the bird's leg could
not be saved, she opted to have it amputated,
costing her £1,800.

Because of the price of the surgery, Mrs Mills
had to take out a bank loan and could not afford
to go on holiday.

Lily the chicken underwent seven operations and
recovered successfully, even overcoming depression
following surgery.

Mrs Mills, who was given the chicken when it was
only two days old, said the operation was worth every penny

Lothar

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68

Dienstag, 28. August 2007, 13:54

RE: Thank God, it´s Friday! Oder?

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order
a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three
flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his
fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bast*ard!
Spit it out!"

Lothar

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69

Mittwoch, 5. September 2007, 10:26

The latest on security for Europe

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist activities and have raised
their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Some, though, say that security levels may
be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized
from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level
from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert ...

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. T
hese beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe , the Americans have gone from "Isolationism"
to "Find Another Oil-Rich Nation In The Middle East Ripe For Regime Change".
Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack The World" and "Beg The British For Help".



And that is all the Intelligence News for Today.

Lothar

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70

Dienstag, 18. September 2007, 14:10

This is NOT a JOKE!!!

Luxussteuer of Unterhosen in Zim


mehr unter (Der Link ist für Gäste ausgeblendet. Um ihn zu sehen, bitte registrieren!)
"Read latest news"

Lothar

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71

Mittwoch, 26. September 2007, 18:51

RE: Thank God, it´s Friday! Oder?

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing
organizations retire to the bar at the end of the day.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouts to the barman: "In Australia, we make the
best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate."

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the king
of them all - gimme a Bud."

Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented beer. Give me un Helles,
ze REAL King of beers."

Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, follows by stating that Grolsch is the
ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of foam on top.

Norman, chairman of SAB, is next: "Barman, give me a diet Coke with ice and lemon please."

The other four stare at him in stunned silence, then Bruce asks:
"Aren't you going to have a Castle, Norm?"

Norman replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, then neither am I."

Lothar

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72

Donnerstag, 27. September 2007, 18:10

RE: This is NOT a JOKE!!!

Vasectomies

After having their 11th child, a Brakpan couple decided that was enough.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife
didn't want to have any more children...

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy but
that it was expensive. (For people staying in Brakpan, paying more than
R50 for anything other than booze, car accessories or a sound system, is
expensive).

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry
bomb (fireworks are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer
can,then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10! The man said :
" Aag, yinne, I maait not be de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I dussin
see how putting a cherrie bom in a beer can, next to my ear, is going to
help me. "

" Trust me, " said the doctor...

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee,
forrr, faaaiife, " at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand!!!

This procedure also works in: Boksburg, Benoni,
Springs,Bronkhorstspruit, Primrose, Kempton Park West, Orkney,
Randfontein , Brits & EDENVALE natuurlik!

Die Stem

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73

Donnerstag, 27. September 2007, 19:42

Sehr böse, aber mindestens ebenso gut :D

Lothar

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74

Freitag, 9. November 2007, 17:52

habe ich bekommen diese Mail mit Bilder:

Den guten Tag mein teuerer Freund!
Wie das Leben? Ich werde zur Bekanntschaft zu Ihnen glucklich sein... Zu Mir es sehr
Gut Ihre Seite auf dem Grundstuck. Ich wollte Sie wissen es ist besser!
Ich denke zu uns, wird bequem sein, wenn wir uns durch die elektronische Post umgehen werden,
Ich kann Ihnen die neuen Fotografien schicken, und, grosser uber mich sagen ist unmittelbar.

Sie konnen mir zur Adresse schreiben: anghelaz@gmail.com

Wahrscheinlich, im Laufe des Anfanges werde ich uber mich unmittelbar sagen:
Meinen Titel Anghela. Zu mir 28 Jahre. Das, was ich einen guten Charakter, und mit mir es habe
Sehr interessant. Ich hoffe zu Ihnen, soll wie, sich mit interessant zu entwickeln
Ich unsere Bekanntschaft!!!
Ich suche die zweite Halfte des Lebens, die sicheren und starken Beziehungen aufzubauen
Es ist jeder Tag unsere Herze waren naher, unsere Gefuhle wurden starker. Ich wei?,
Es ist in dieser gro?en Welt irgendwo das Herz, das ich wahnsinnig mogen wird,
Sorgen Sie sich und schutzen Sie mich! Ebenso, wie eine beliebige Frau, ich die sichere
Unterstutzung und die Unterstutzung im Menschen des Menschen suche. Der Mensch, den im
Zustand gern zu haben und zu fuhlen, respektiert mit der Frau, es ist fur mich notwendig.
Aber, ich verstehe, dass Sie als mich, aber es nur das gro?e Plus fur uns mehr alterer
seid. Tatsachlich der Mensch, der wei?, dass solches Leben, das das Ziel und die Lagen hat -
der sicherste und wahrhafte Mensch! Was Sie in diesem Fall denken? Ich die Hoffnung habe die richtige Auswahl gemacht...
Ich denke zu uns, wird bequem sein, wenn wir uns durch die elektronische Post umgehen werden,
ich kann Ihnen die neuen Fotografien schicken, und, grosser uber mich sagen ist unmittelbar.
Ich wunsche Ihnen den guten Abend und die angenehmste gute Nacht!
Den starkesten und leidenschaftlichen Kuss!
Ihr Freund Anghela.

Die Stem

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75

Samstag, 10. November 2007, 12:08

Ja, und? Wann trefft ihr euch? :D

Lothar

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76

Samstag, 10. November 2007, 12:34

Gute Frage.

Die Stem

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77

Samstag, 10. November 2007, 13:00

Zitat

Original von Lothar
Gute Frage.

Vielleicht solltest du einen lieben Text in Afrikaans verfassen, das Ganze durch eine kostenlose Internetübersetzungsmaschine Afrikaans-Englisch jagen, den dabei entstehenden Text ins Deutsche übersetzen und diesen dann an deine neue Herzensdame schicken. Kommen bestimmt romantische Sachen bei raus ;)

Lothar

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78

Samstag, 10. November 2007, 13:14

Modernes SA:
»Lothar« hat folgendes Bild angehängt:
  • sa1.jpg

Lothar

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79

Montag, 12. November 2007, 17:55

weil´s so schön ist...

Klipdrift

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80

Montag, 12. November 2007, 18:34

In Honour of Stupid People:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Woolworth's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom)
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
==========================
On Pick n' Pay's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
===========================
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
==========================
On a Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
=================================
On a Clicks hair dryer -
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
====================================
On a bag of Simba Chips --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
===========================
On a bar of Dove soap -
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
============================

On some Checkers frozen dinners -
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(please note that it's just a suggestion.)
========================
On the packaging of a Rowenta iron -
"Don't iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
==============================
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)
===============================
On some brands of Christmas lights of Eastern origin:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
==========================
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, please help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
==============================
Instructions on a SA Airways packet of peanuts -
[1] Open packet;
[2] Eat nuts.
(Step 3: say what?)
===========================
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(Don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
========================
On a German chainsaw ...
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
===========================
I’m not saying that we should kill all stupid people; I’m just saying we should remove the warning labels and let nature takes it course

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